quinta-feira, 21 de maio de 2020

O dia de anos de um morto

No tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos
Eu era feliz e ninguém estava morto.
Na casa antiga, até eu fazer anos era uma tradição de há séculos,
E a alegria de todos, e a minha, estava certa com uma religião qualquer.
No tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos,
Eu tinha a grande saúde de não perceber coisa nenhuma,
De ser inteligente para entre a família,
E de não ter as esperanças que os outros tinham por mim.

[Álvaro de campos]

quarta-feira, 20 de maio de 2020

Tanta gente, Mariana

«Para mais essa experiência, a da vida, foi sempre para mim demasiado difícil. Nunca me habituei a ela e isso é estranho porque todas as pessoas a consideram uma coisa simples e natural, a mais natural e mais simples de todas quantas existem. Eu fiz sempre cerimónia e não procedi por isso como devia, como procediam as outras pessoas, mesmo as mais broncas e as mais rudes, com à-vontade. Falei alto quando as regras mais elementares mandavam falar baixo, calei-me quando devia absolutamente dizer qualquer coisa, não soube estar. Eu, de facto, nunca soube estar. Escolhi sempre mal as ocasiões para falar e para ficar calada. Troquei tudo, baralhei todas as coisas a ponto de me não achar a mim própria.»

[Maria Judite de Carvalho]

sexta-feira, 1 de maio de 2020

O amor em espaços abertos

It’s 6pm on Friday, and I’m writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.
Here’s the thing.
I have a dog Janet, and she’s been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She’s almost 14 years old now. I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then, an adult officially - and she was my child.
She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.
She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.
She’s almost 14 and I’ve never seen her start a fight, or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She’s a pacifist.
Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.
We’ve lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it’s always really been the two of us.
She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.
She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.
The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she’s used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.
She has Addison’s Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.
Despite all of this, she’s effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.
She’s my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she’s the one who taught me what love is.
I can’t come to South America. Not now.
When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.
She doesn’t even want to go for walks anymore.
I know that she’s not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That’s why they are so much more present than people.
But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She’ll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.
I just can’t leave her now, please understand.
If I go away again, I’m afraid she’ll die and I won’t have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.
Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.
But this decision is instant.
These are the choices we make, which define us.
I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.
I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.
And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.
Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.
I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.
I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.
I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.
Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I’ve ever known.
When she dies.
So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.
And I am asking for your blessing.
I’ll be seeing you.
Love, Fiona

terça-feira, 28 de abril de 2020

A vida em redor

Não entres docilmente nessa noite serena,
porque a velhice deveria arder e delirar no termo do dia;
odeia, odeia a luz que começa a morrer.
No fim, ainda que os sábios aceitem as trevas,
porque se esgotou o raio nas suas palavras, eles
não entram docilmente nessa noite serena.
Homens bons que clamaram, ao passar a última onda, como podia
o brilho das suas frágeis acções ter dançado na baía verde,
odiai, odiai a luz que começa a morrer.
E os loucos que colheram e cantaram o voo do sol
e aprenderam, muito tarde, como o feriram no seu caminho,
não entram docilmente nessa noite serena.
Junto da morte, homens graves que vedes com um olhar que cega
quanto os olhos cegos fulgiriam como meteoros e seriam alegres,
odiai, odiai a luz que começa a morrer.
E de longe, meu pai, peço-te que nessa altura sombria
venhas beijar ou amaldiçoar-me com as tuas cruéis lágrimas.
Não entres docilmente nessa noite serena.
Odeia, odeia a luz que começa a morrer.
[Dylan Thomas]

terça-feira, 14 de abril de 2020

There's a girl and she's almost you

Pensa-se que o misticismo é um mistério pelo qual entramos num outro mundo; mas ele é apenas, ou mesmo, o mistério de viver de modo diferente no nosso próprio mundo.
[robert musil]

sábado, 28 de março de 2020

Uma pedra

Dá-me algo mais que silêncio ou doçura
algo que tenhas e não saibas
não quero dádivas raras
dá-me uma pedra

[Carlos Edmundo de Ory]

Seria uma voz ou uma concha a salvação

[Paul Klee - Destruction and Hope]